What Do I Think About Happiness
And I think about it all the time, are not you?
Really, what word out of millions existing would be good enough to describe what happiness is? Hard to say, is not it? At the same time, the answer seems really close to being easy, trivial even, right on the plate in front of your nose. Then why it is still so hard to answer.
I believe that only those who are deeply unhappy can really tell what happiness is about. This paradoxical twist between two seemingly opposing sides of neutral condition such as living, and I do think that living in its stripped form is a quite neutral thing, is both enticing and scaring. It draws in the part of you that is inclined to wonder and scares the hell out of the part that solely clings to reason.
But is it really that complicated? Should not the concept of happiness be a bit more accessible?
Here is what I think about happiness.
No, it cannot be more accessible than it already is. And no matter how hard my jaw clenches at these words, but no, it is not really that complicated. What it makes complicated is our perverted, at times toxic fixation on things that are miles and miles away from us and that in our totally theoretical assumption are the happiness.
Unfortunately, that is an illusion castle where we tend to lock ourselves and, dreaming of things that we only assume can make us happy we become the prisoners of unhappiness. Another paradox of this conversation is that the more we crave for happiness the more unhappy we become. But why?
What’s the interrelation between happiness and unhappiness?
I think, the answer to this question is a simple but comprehensive word ‘process.’ So let’s see the standard line of this process: at some point in your life, you start wondering what happiness is. Your mind tries to find an easy explanation for it by connecting the concept of happiness to things that someone has and that you don’t which in its turn make you crave for things you don’t need but which seem like the only way to become happier.
Only the more you crave for things the more unhappy you become.
Then comes the second level to the standard line of this process: the more unhappy (exhausted by senseless rush for things that do not bring so wanted happiness) you become, the closer you really get to the realization what happiness is really about. And that’s where your true journey to happiness begins.
The more unhappy you are the more you know about happiness.
Quite often, people confuse boredom with unhappiness and so they go for all the fun things in their lives, assuming those kind of things are the happiness. But those things bring short moments of joy and those moments are hardly a fit for what an experience of happiness truly is about.
For me, happiness is something consistent and what is even more important, it’s a state of mind which helps to experience life brighter and fuller, and be content with who you are, what you do, and how you live your life.
And being unhappy (confused, lost, feeling like a complete loser, mistaken and other kinds of heavy emotional states) is what helps your mind to wrap the entire concept of happiness with more clarity and understanding. Your failures were not a mistake. Those were the first level of the standard line of the process that brought you to the point where you can revalue your life and all the thoughts about it, and change.
If you have a flexible mindset (check out my post on Medium on Why Mindset Is The Most Important Asset of Your Life) it will take less time for you to turn your life around and find your own sparkle for what happiness is for you. Then you will need all the courage you have to actually follow that sparkle.
I think I should give more attention to that one thing I’ve already touched on above since we are talking about happiness. And this thing is at first sight quite simply and yet somehow we all tend to forget about it.
If you are unable to stay present in what you are doing and enjoy the flow of the process then you will not be able to experience happiness because happiness is a state of mind that helps to balance your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. When you do not enjoy the process of what you are doing, you can hardly have that kind balance.
This is not a hundred precent working for everyone rule but mostly if you cannot bring yourself to enjoy the process of what you are doing, it’s more likely that what you are doing is not what you should be doing.
Like if you don’t enjoy writing, why would you want to be a writer?!
Of course, not being able to enjoy the process can also be caused by diverting of attention or other psychological factors as well and in this case, you need to search for a professional help.
And to finalize today's conversation, I believe that happiness is a form of art which demands a certain state of mind to progress. It comes from your head and not from possession of things (even though owing things can be indeed quite satisfying). And I do think that the more unhappy you are the better you understand what happiness is really about.
So, maybe you are feeling lost right now, confused about your future, or deeply bothered by all the wrong turns you have taken throughout your life, I think it is the best time to look into your unhappiness and try to figure out what happiness is for you.
Being unhappy is not a punishment, even though it might feel so, but an opportunity for you to see what happiness is really about.