The Stage I Am Currently Going Through: Fear Of Making A Mistake
Fear—it has been so hard to keep its teeth in the muzzle lately and I am not talking about fear of spiders, this kind of fear is a beast completely different in its nature.
It is a fear of making a mistake that exists on the deepest level of your subconscious and makes you literally break anything you touch.
You are afraid that if you make a mistake the sky will collapse and at the same time no matter how hard you try to avoid making a mistake, things you touch break down and explode in your face.
But is not it well-known that making mistakes is how we learn and grow?
Then what is the problem?
Past week of my life was like running from a hellhound. I had no idea what was going on and yet I could not get off the race.
I was making mistake after mistake, grammatical, lexical, mistake in recalling information I was given just a few minutes ago, failing test, forgetting a bunch of French words that as it seemed before were safely stuck on my mind, forgetting to answer email, or losing thoughts in the middle of conversation that awkwardly ended with a blank expression on my face.
I feel like laughing at it now but back then laughing was the last thing I felt like doing.
I felt like a looser, I could not handle anything and yet the pile of things I had to get done was growing with every hour.
And as if it was not enough, a freaking stalker showed up in my life, disturbing the peace of the night under my windows as if that person had nothing better to do.
So yes, I was upset, pissed and annoyed most of the time.
But what I realized only much later was that anxiousness that tickled my nerves and planted all the wrong ides in my head was fear.
Fear of making a mistake.
I see three big phases for myself that my mind constantly goes through.
First stage is the stage of being over-inspired. It is when I generate all the giants of great ideas, come up with new projects, generally feel like I am having the whole world of possibilities on my palm.
I feel blessed and powerful.
I feel like I matter and there is purpose to my existence.
Second stage is the stage of giving. It is when inspired and motivated by all the ideas and thoughts I have developed on the first stage, I feel like giving more warmth, love, understanding, appreciation, value, care, and attention to the world and people around me.
It is when I am most active because I like giving and I like feeling like I have something to give.
It is the moment, when I am in the closest contact with all the best there only is in me.
Third stage is the stage of landing. It is when giving gets slowly replaced by the obsessive thoughts that peek far in future and create disbalance of how I interpret present.
It is when my tendency to perfectionism turns into this fear of making a mistake that according to the analyses of my obsessive thinking, might negatively affect or even destroy the base of what I have developed on the first stage.
My ideas and my big aspirations.
And so, on this third stage it becomes impossible to stay productive, or feel inspired and motivated to do anything.
It is when I start feeling like there is no purpose in what I do.
What is my remedy for this?
Mental health should be always a priority number one
To slip smoothly out of the third stage, I cut the amount of daily work and tasks in half and add a new activity that I usually have no time for.
For example, bicycling or drawing.
It is important to find something that will break the circle of your constant rumination and self-questioning.
Third stage, as I have recently learned, is a demand of your organism to pay attention to yourself and give appreciation, care, and love to yourself.
This fear of making a mistake that brings anxiousness and uneasiness to your conscious, is a signal that the focus of your attention narrowed and entered the hole of dark self-reflection where giving and generating new ideas are simply impossible.
Sink into the mundane
I like to clean and reorganize things in my house which helps to order thoughts and shake off the drowsy state of over-thinking.
I like to bake and enjoy music.
I let myself to take a break from the great ideas and just be as I am, imperfectly perfect resident of the earth.
I write poetry.
I watch movies.
I talk to my friends on Internet.
I cuddle with my kitty.
I free myself from the heavy weight of great purpose in my life and instead, I let myself enjoy simple things.
I read motivational and inspirational non-fiction.
I read fairy tales.
I listen to inspirational podcasts.
I write a simple blog posts (like this one) for myself and for you and I try to accept the fact that this might stay forever unnoticed.
I do not bother to worry about control.
Because fear of making a mistake has a direct connection to your tendency to control everything happening in your life.
And let’s be honest, it is such a tiring task.
So the following week of my life is going to be easy both on my blog and in real life.
Now is the great time to return to journaling and slowly, little by little to reorganize your plans and goals.
And this is exactly what I am planning to do this week.
Thank you for being with me today and I hope this blog post will set the right tone to your day and week, and help you move past this third stage gracefully.
See you soon.