Chiseling Will of a Winner

I have too many flaws to live a passive life if such kind of life can be called a living.

All goes according to the plan!

I repeated this phrase so many times that even walking blindly ahead started taking a shape of some plan. I did not have plan though, not really. I just had a list of things next to the list of books ‘to read in 2020’ and my willingness to take one tiny step after another tiny step towards something more meaningful.

You will be surprised to know that most of the things I had on that list turned out to be so easy that I still catch myself laughing thinking about them.

Signing for one-hour session with a psychologist was one of those ‘turned to be so easy’ things.

But don’t get me wrong, not all was such a cakewalk. There were things that caused storms inside of me so many times, that I don’t even bother to count. For past three weeks, I had to rake through every inch of my past, through each flaw, though each scar and bruise… 

I had to draw three maps of my personal disasters and cut off all ‘the infected limbs,’ calling upon higher powers to help me to keep moving despite my cracked mental state.

I felt like a Phoenix rising up from ashes.
I was no longer just a passive watcher of my life. I actually felt something solid under my feet. Despite the roller coaster of mental ups and downs, I could move and what was even more important I had inner strength to do this.

Blindfolded… it was scary but somehow I learned to be okay with that.

For three weeks I managed to finish first draft of my book, write a bunch of decent poems, connect to new people, figure out more accurate way of building my business and work with clients, show good results in my study and improve my French. In other words, I learned how to constantly keep chiseling my will of a winner.

Does it mean, no cloudy days anymore? No sleepless, anxious nights? No hits of apathy in the middle of the day? No doubts? No itch? NO, absolutely not! But not everything is either black or white. Life has much more colors that these two and the main rule of ‘chiseling will of a winner’ is to understand it and keep moving along each and every shade of it.

And even though, most of the time it felt like a lonely journey, I still was not alone. To my utter surprise I received a gigantic support from people I never really met in life but which became my second family. And this word of gratefulness is to them.