In Daoism, life is presented as a road which we have to follow. Sounds reasonable and kind of easy, does not it? But the older I get, the less visible this road of life appears to me.
It has been a week since I wrote anything here, and that week was spent in a figurative bush of wondering, what the hell I’m doing here? How did I get here? And the most important, how do I get back on that road and keep going?
Answering those questions turned out both easy and hard. At one hand, I knew the answers but on the other I knew them only in theory which was not very helpful at all.
So, I threw a lazy party and spent three days straight in my bed watching The Chronicles of Narnia, Harry Potter, The Hobbit, and silent movies with Charlie Chaplin. I als...
To become a vegetarian was an ethical choice for me and a decision of one evening.
Surprisingly enough, I managed to get through my first year of being a vegetarian with grace and full determination that it was the path for life but a few years later things started changing for me.
It was easy to stay away from meat of any kind, fish, and dairy for all those years. I was reading a bunch of literature about vegetarianism, watched documentaries, and happily followed every vegan I could find on Internet. I was head over heels for this lifestyle and just like every vegetarian and vegan I saw a better future for our existence in it.
But you see, the only vegetarians I knew were the people on Internet, the ones I followed but never talked to. Those people were mi...
Last year, in September, I started one of the most important journeys of my life – this blog.
Honestly, it reminded me a trip through a gigantic field covered from sky to ground with smoky white fog. I had no idea where I was heading but I knew that I had to keep going. That was pretty much all I knew back then.
Today, I can hardly believe it has been a year, A WHOLE YEAR, since I did my first publication on this website. It still feels like it was just yesterday, you know.
But looking back, I can see how impactful and life-changing this year of blogging was for me.
How it all started?
As all the best things in my life, it all started with an idea. Well, a thought actually.
Everyone has their talents and gifts. No one is born without it.
However, looking back I remember a few people that I believed to be the most talented and gifted people I had ever met. They created without meaning to. They talked to the world and other people around them with easiness. Their words were like feathers peacefully swinging in the air.
And I remember myself feeling like the least talented person in the world.
Nothing came easily to me and even a single conversation could leave me deeply confused and sometimes even hurt.
It was not because I compared myself to those I believed to be the most talented ones.
But in the room, when everyone started to shine and glow demonstrating their talents, I would be like a blac...
I know it after years of fighting and refusing to believe in its existence.
I was a solder in the army of my creative bits that drove a stake of pain through my middle each time I was thrown under a wagon of stress. I called it a creative predicament. I thought I had to wait till it goes away and then keep fighting, pushing, and literally making myself to move forward.
It did not work.
It was not effective either, but I am not someone who gives up easily. My forehead is much stronger than it looks. I can drill a hole with it through a thick pack of ice if I need to, this is how strong it is.
But burnout is real and its power is feeding on disbelief and denial. As long as you think it is nothing but a myth, it grows like ...
Would it be too much to say that my spin of rejections began at early age and had been dragging my subconscious through all these years with a pompous disdain?
Fortunately, I survived, became stronger and created this tiny nook of mine to rant all about my experience and share a survival guide I have developed for all these years that helps me keep going through the spin of rejections unharmed.
Well, almost unharmed.
I mean, not that I am an expert on it but I have developed a quite working scheme that helps me to come back from the burning aches of rejections in a matter of few hours.
Fine, sometimes it takes longer than that but listen, I know some ...
I love the world; this new world where my voice is promised to be heard and where my heart does not have to go through the tunnels of deceiving in order to survive the censured reality of outside world.
I can finally breathe and speak my mind.
I can navigate my life the way I want and enjoy the fruits of the choices that were purely made by me.
I can be honest and I can be fearless.
No more silent compassion anymore!
No more lies.
Now, in this new world, I have the rights to express my opinion and pursue my visions.
As long as my freedom does not take away the freedom of others, I am free.
Or so I thought.
Living in a box with a beautiful view of a promise
If there was a conversation before the life on earth was created, I would imagine it be like that.
Nothing is perfect.
Beauty has become a target for wars of objective opinions.
The lenses through which we look at the world got blurry by marketing tricks, fashion trends and other social media propaganda.
Yet, more and more people learn to see uniqueness within imperfections and though slowly we seem to be opening our hearts to the different beauty of appearances, there are other aspects of life that seem to get all the extra weight from that.
When the path of self-fulfillment gets slippery
What is life for if not for the fulfilment of one’s hopes and ambitions.
Those are the movers to the best part of living which is action.
Standard formula of making a decision is quite simple: it relies on such mental processes as reason, biases, memories, and emotions.
Your past experience, psychological boundaries, insecurities, and intentions are the gears with which you weight the benefits and costs of this or that decision but those are also the extra weight that can derail you from making a truly right decision for yourself.
Becuse what will others think?
If people could use the mythical ability of ostriches bury their heads in the sand each time they are scared or threatened by what others will think of them, half of the world would get stuck underground.
Mad world—what are you doing to the creative minds that are your only salvation?
What, not dramatic enough?
I think this conversation is not going to be easy for both of us but we have to talk about it anyway.
No matter how passionate or confident you are about your dream, there come the times when things just don’t work out the way you expected. Those times leave you vulnerable and unprotected in front of the hungry, never satisfied cockroaches sneaking here and there.
They are the kind of people who do not tolerate big dreamers. They are the kind of people, mom taught you to avoid.
But when you are emotionally unprotected, you cannot escape them.
When you are emotionally unprotected, they will find you even on the...
Really, what word out of millions existing would be good enough to describe what happiness is? Hard to say, is not it? At the same time, the answer seems really close to being easy, trivial even, right on the plate in front of your nose. Then why it is still so hard to answer.
I believe that only those who are deeply unhappy can really tell what happiness is about. This paradoxical twist between two seemingly opposing sides of neutral condition such as living, and I do think that living in its stripped form is a quite neutral thing, is both enticing and scaring. It draws in the part of you that is inclined to wonder and scares the hell out of the part that solely clings to reason.
I’ll tell you a story: once, there was a girl that believed she could do anything. But things she did at the end of the day were not the right things and so, her greatness started slowly dissipating. Is not it what magic in reverse looks like?
As a human, you have the privilege to be anyone and to do anything you can only imagine. But in the world, where everything fights for your attention, where colours and smells are there to entice you to want what you don’t even need, where fashionable pictures of super stars look down at you daily affecting your idea of the beautiful, and where information does not go through filters of valid or reasonable, this privilege plays a bad joke on you.
It messes up with your head; if you can be anyone why cannot you be ev...
It is not a secret—life can be overwhelming, hard, and challenging. Each of us has their own share of bitter and sour, and ironically, this is probably one of the most normal things about life.
We all have good days and bad days but what about weeks or even months of downfalls and other life trails? How do we keep going when we think we can’t do anymore?
I was sixteen when I started thinking about being a writer with all seriousness and determination. A girl that knew only few words in English dreamed to be an English-speaking writer; they told me, why would not you try to write in your native language first, but it is not we who choose the dream, it’s the dream that chooses us. I learnt it the hard way.
What happens in your mind is as real as what happens in your life, for connection between what you think and what you see is stronger than you can imagine.
As a passive aggressor, anxiety club member, and overly ambitious human being, I always searched for grounding techniques to help me balance my mental world and the world I was living in.
I wanted to have a choice during the anxiety attacks, to have a better understanding of my passive aggressive behavior and be free in my choice of actions. I wanted to stay conscious even when it was about unconscious. I did not want to be a puppet in hands of the mental, unsolicited processes that tended to get out of control and affect my life from day to day.
I wanted to be balanced and meditation became t...
It took me a while to reflect on this idea – you can be anyone and do anything you want, but for some reasons you keep replacing doors with walls and then cry ‘how unfair life is.’
It may look like the whole world is against you but what is really happening is that you keep limiting yourself, creating new and new barriers on your way to a happy living.
Subconscious has unimaginable power over your life; all the things it believes in sooner or later becomes your only reality. If you believe that you have no time or capability to work towards your dream, then you lost without even starting.
3 Bullheads of How You Limit Yourself
You predict without actual trying
Think how many times you came to a conclusion based merel...
Unimaginable amount of possibilities and opportunities that exist in the world can easily cloud our minds, weaken us, and strip off our inborn greatness. And clarity is the only way to avoid it.
I know from personal experience how hard it can be to plan out even just a week ahead, gather the data and set everything the best way possible, so all the goals could have been achieved and all the projects successfully executed. It’s a complicated process that most of people struggle to perform. And this is perhaps one of the superpowers highly successful people have mastered.
It’s especially important if you, just like me, have a trouble to direct the focus of your mind to one direction, constantly finding yourself veering off and paying attention to things tha...
2020 started as a swift spin down. Many plans and goals, hopes and visions were forced to be put on hold. Time slipped through our fingers with the speed of waterfall and I know, many of us feel like there is no hope for this year anymore.
Many of us feel like there is nothing we can do about this year; nothing but wait till it ends.
But what about everyday counts and time irretrievability? After all, no one is responsible for your life but you.
Naturally, this challenging time made all of us, people, to, whether intentionally or not, split into two groups: one that adopts to the new time and the other that lets the worst side of the new world order to consume and break them. And though, now, when I am actually thinking about it, it somehow seems too radica...
Living a life in isolation does not make you a better Artist!
The power of creative minds is the force that makes the Earth rotate, the Sun rise and the life on our planet evolve. But there are four basic conditions for prosperity of a creative mind that at times may seem reachable only in isolation.
World is a noisy torture.
Most of artists I know admit, that’s how they feel. And so, they search for quiet by isolating themselves from all the things that happen and happen and happen in the outside world. This need for silence at times becomes the only thing that matters and many artists feel this undeniable urge to get away (preferably on the Moon).
Have you ever seen a leafless tree in the middle of Spring? What would you think if you saw one?
Poor tree, it’s probably dying – this is what I would definitely find among a flush of different thoughts in my head at the sight of this picture. I would feel sad seeing it bare and weak standing among the countless green ones around it. I would think, it was unfair.
Here’s what happened to me a few years ago. I moved from a noisy city to a small town framed at both sides by vast fields and woods. Place that I personally believe to be wildlife heaven. It’s the place where a plain crown looks like a fashion model and hedgehogs are enjoying their bust lives on your backyard.
It was Spring and everything around stood in magnif...
People come into our lives with different attitudes, different world views, different goals. As a person who is ‘lucky’ to be born with overly friendly nature, I know how painful it can be to let a wrong person inside. How at times unbearable is to see someone you considered your friend and your ally turning out to be nothing more but a toxic root that all this time was poisoning your life.
I’m sure you’ve met people who, whether intentionally or not, make you feel low. They drain you, discourage you, set you into a mindset that makes the world around you look as hopeless as never before. Slowly your life turns as cold as at the bottom of a bathtub. But the worst, you never know why.
Have you ever met a small person? I’m not talking about size, even though for some size is what really matters. I’m talking about emotional aspect of human presence that makes some of us look like a tiny dot lost in never ending space of any room we walk in. Whereas others, once inside of that same room, would make us feel they are the only ones in it.
So, what was wrong with the Bird that looked like a Fly? One thing obviously – it’s was not a Fly. It was a BIRD! So, why it looked like a fly to everyone else?
For me, as I’m sure for most of you, this matter is personal. We all do this, whether we realize it or not. We make ourselves, in most cases unintentionally, look like mere flies, when in fact, we are gorgeous, cheery birds.
I have too many flaws to live a passive life if such kind of life can be called a living.
All goes according to the plan!
I repeated this phrase so many times that even walking blindly ahead started taking a shape of some plan. I did not have plan though, not really. I just had a list of things next to the list of books ‘to read in 2020’ and my willingness to take one tiny step after another tiny step towards something more meaningful.
You will be surprised to know that most of the things I had on that list turned out to be so easy that I still catch myself laughing thinking about them.
Signing for one-hour session with a psychologist was one of those ‘turned to be so easy’ things.
I remember good days like a vague outline of the bridge which I enter on the days, dark like night sky.
It affects my writing. It affects me. It affects people, I care about. And even though there is no way to dispel clouds from life once and for all, there is still a way to help yourself stay on both feet in the storm of dark days.
Journaling yourself out of anything!
I was 10 years old when I first met people involved in business, self-development, mental/physical health and all of them in one voice were telling about the power of journaling. I was so wired up with their energy and even though I was just a ten years old girl and hardly could tell if I needed to journal myself out of anything (I was writing in my diary sometimes, but most of the ...
Everyone has a view at what happiness is. Some, manage to find happiness in mundane things, like taking a stroll outside in the morning, others search happiness beyond things that can be touched, dedicating their daily activities to spiritual practices and self-education.
But what about ultimate happiness – the state of mind that is peaceful and content?
In this easy conversation, I want to share 10 reasons that might be the cause of your yet not found happiness.
Reason #1 Internal Conflict
‘The scariest monsters are those who lurk within our souls.’ by Edgar Alan Poe
I’ve never met a person who did not have some internal conflicts to de...
When I say the hardest and lowest paying job, what do you imagine? Maybe, a stiff office without conditioner in the middle of a desert, or a hell kitchen with Gordon Ramsay’s doppelganger shouting and throwing fat beef onto heated oily pan right at your side? Whatever it is, I assure you, my version of the hardest and lowest paying job is something else.
This summer, I decided to change my routine and for some reasons, the idea to change my routine brought me to the idea to sign myself to the most tiring and emotionally draining job of my life. I became the youngest of six women in a farm workers squad.
Each day, we would start our donkeywork at 6 early a.m. and keep working nonstop till afternoon. Under blazing sun, we would carefully gather cucumb...
It’s been always the same, like a badly written story where one human being stands against another. Some use fists to defend their truths, others are sharp at tongue. Each is reluctant to give up.
But does it really matter?
It’s a fact that huge part of people living on this planet struggle to make their lives better. This is understandable. Each has their list of beliefs, deeply engraved on the innate side of their being. But for what I learned, if the life you have today is not yet the life of your dream then surely, the beliefs you’re guarding so much are not simply working for you.
For some reasons, it’s in us to feel like defending ourselves against people’s thoughts, people’s words, people’s actions, in othe...
A few months ago I took a very important decision. I decided to take my first in years, month off writing and use the time to recharge my personal resources. It was not easy, especially the first week. I was anxious and wired to the same thought that I was wasting my time. Each day I seemed to became more doubtful about the whole idea, walking close to the edge to stop it all and return my butt back to work. Writing always meant a lot to me, and taking a whole month off felt like a betrayal.
I heard about the importance of systematic vacation a lot, but as most of the people, I was rather skeptical about it. Those who take lots of vacations will hardly achieve anything in their lives, I thought. Besides, if you love what you’re doing, you have nothing to vacate from, hav...
If you were an apple, there would be needed two halves to make you whole. Well, in case with us, humans, two halves would not be enough to form your naturally multisided personality and complete a healthy balance to your cooperation with the outside world.
What I mean by that? In my previous post I wrote about self-acceptance and its importance in acquiring solid ground for personal growth and development. I stressed that self-acceptance is not one-time thing you can get once and for all but rather a journey of awareness where each time you learn better.
Well, these 5 spheres that lie in the base of shaping the understanding of your worthiness as an individual in the society, are responsible for not only sharpening your awareness, which impr...
Self-acceptance is not a mythical creature everyone knows about but never really saw. It’s real. And unlike a unicorn, whose absence is not that vital for our lives, self-acceptance decides whether you’re going to have the life of your dream or not. It’s also vital for your mental health.
I always say that self-acceptance is where it either begins or ends for you. It’s one of the major keys to having a happy, fulfilling life.
Now, let’s turn to the definition of self-acceptance.
Self-acceptance is, first and foremost, a form of awareness of your strengths and weaknesses (your positives and your negatives) either given by nature or shaped by life circumstances.
2014 was a year of challenges for me. I had just finished high school and it was officially time to make big decisions for my future. At that time, it was already around three years since I’ve seriously started writing and mainly, all I wanted from life was to have a tiny room, preferably pen and paper and everyone else to keep their distance from me. I wanted to be a writer, you see. I did not want to deal with life outside of my tiny room and imagination. Not because I hated life (no one hates life, trust me), but because I had no idea what to do about it.
At first, as I thought, my life worked. I lived in a box and I was foam-mouth to protect it from any kind of intrusion. Many years went by like one. I discovered with pain in the heart, that all I was truly doing was...