There are 10 Reasons you’re still not Happy today
Everyone has a view at what happiness is. Some, manage to find happiness in mundane things, like taking a stroll outside in the morning, others search happiness beyond things that can be touched, dedicating their daily activities to spiritual practices and self-education.
But what about ultimate happiness – the state of mind that is peaceful and content?
In this easy conversation, I want to share 10 reasons that might be the cause of your yet not found happiness.
Reason #1 Internal Conflict
‘The scariest monsters are those who lurk within our souls.’ by Edgar Alan Poe
I’ve never met a person who did not have some internal conflicts to deal with. The only difference between these people was that some managed their internal conflicts and did not let it to take away their inborn right to be happy.
Now, Internal Conflict, what does it mean?
It means that world inside of you, (your head), is as real as the one you live in every day. And sometimes, so happens, these worlds turn contradictory. This creates internal conflict that, in its turn, affects our emotional, physical and mental health.
And response to this internal conflict can be very different. It can be a compulsive overeating, or anxiety, or panic attacks, or grumpiness, or irrational fear, and unhappiness in general. If ignored, internal conflicts are able to destroy so needed to inner peace, balance and therefore make your life sometimes even unbearable.
In this case, it would be very helpful to share your struggle with someone you trust, or get to a therapy, or even start your journal of awareness. The only thing that you’re not to do, under any circumstances, is to ignore it, to hide from it, to shove push it out of your attention. By this, you give to your internal struggles power over your happiness.
After all,
life is too short to spend it at war with yourself.
Reason #2 Fear overdrive
‘Fear is brain’s way of saying that there is something important for you to overcome.’ By Rachel Huber.
When fear becomes a dominant emotion, it threatens your chance at full life. But what is more important here to say is that the reason of fear overdrive is mostly connected with internal conflict we’ve talked about above. It also is caused by inability to deal with emotional part of being as well as to understand death-life purpose.
Fear of death is as real as fear of life and these two are entwined so close that when there is a fear of death, there is also a fear of life.
Despite of ambiguous nature of it, I believe that fear is the wings given us to fly. The only problem is to learn to do that. And to manage fear overdrive, you need to face your fears instead of running away from it. Just as all emotions, and fear is an emotion, it has its own roots that will lead you to some internal conflict that has been secretly residing in you for all these years.
This conflict can be a magnifier that makes this emotion, fear, bigger and therefore harder to manage.
You as well can use a therapy, or talk to someone about your fears, or write about them as much as you possibly can to close up to your fears and finally see how in fact small they are.
After all,
Fear is temporary, regret is forever.
Reason #3 Loneliness
May Sarton once said: ‘Loneliness is the poverty of self.’
Unfortunately, loneliness has become a big issue today. Too many people are lonely and even someone who you might see being among a group of people this morning, is actually lonely at the end of the day.
But what we need to know about loneliness is that it is a child of fear and dissociative feelings. It is a form of mental separation from society and inability to connect as well as to open up to the outside world.
Today, there are lots of groups available both offline and online where you can find a person to talk to. But it’s very important to move further than that. Your goal is not to learn to survive as a loner but rather to learn how to become a part of society and therefore a more full version of yourself.
Reason #4 Life misconception
‘If you cannot live longer, live deeper.’ Italian proverb
If you’ve ever felt like the world is spinning right while you are strolling left, you might have life misconception. It can be general, like questioning the common sense of politics, ethics or religion, or personal, like your place in life, what should you do for living and how can you live your life the best way for your safety and sanity.
Both general and personal life misconceptions are natural and mean growth. Yet, lack of awareness of these things can lead to fear overdrive and even to some internal conflicts. So instead of opening up and stepping towards the world where you can know the answers to bothering you questions about life (maybe even questions you’ve not yet realized), you might feel a need to hide, avoid and as a result to learn ignore them.
By indulging into this need, you risk to shut the door for your happiness for good.
One learns only though experience.
If you have any kind of life misconceptions, it is because you have not enough experience. And this is totally fine. No one knows everything for one day. That’s why you need to accept the fact that all your life you’re going to be a student and this is okay.
Reason #5 Scarce emotionality
We all hurt. But once burnt you don’t stop using fire for good, do you?
This should not be different with emotions.
Scarce emotionality is a developed unreceptiveness of emotional responses to any stimulus from the outside. Please, do not confuse with complete inability to feel any emotions that can be seen in sociopathic personality disorder, for example. After all, there is a difference between holding back your emotions and being simply unable to feel them.
In this case, it would help to start to analyze emotions in particularly challenging situations and express them, despite how awkward at first it may feel or sound.
Reason #6 Disorganization
In order to function properly in society, you have to at least try to be organized. If your environment is not clean, your to-do list is constantly growing and there is always no time for anything, you simply cannot enter the zone of happiness under such oppressing circumstances.
Being organized both like a person and like a professional is important for consistent happiness. If you’re struggling with organization, I would recommend to stop relying on your memory and start actually using pen and paper to write everything down and do a proper planning of your days, weeks, months and if you get really into it, even years.
Reason #7 Trust issues
Trust is the best prove.
Those who struggle to trust are also struggling to be happy. Trust is a fundamental element in building strong relationships as well as the most important thing in becoming a part of society and therefore of the world. Which in its turn is important for your development as an individual.
Of course,
trust is also a risk, but one that is legitimate to take.
Reason #8 Stagnation
‘Happiness consists in activity. It’s a running stream, not a stagnant pool.’ by John Mason Good
Most of people who have trust issues, more likely, living their lives in stagnation. Stagnation is nothing but an illusion of safety, where nothing seems to move anywhere. Things stay in the limbo where nothing bad happens as well as nothing good.
Why it’s an illusion? Simple.
Nothing can stay in the same state. It either moves forward (develops, evolves or progresses) or it moves backwards (declines or regresses).
Stagnation is also a by-product of loneliness, disorganization, life misconception, fear overdrive and interpersonal conflict. It’s a choice we make in order to provide ourselves with an illusion of protection.
In this case, it would be effective to treat stagnation as a habit and therefore, try to replace this negative habit with a positive one. Now, each time there is a chance to get involved into life, instead of avoiding it, get straight into it.
Reason #9 Attention
Pay attention, this can be fun.
I agree, world is too big to pay your attention to everything. That’s when we need our priorities straight. All the things that you pay your attention to are deciding your happiness. So if you notice that the circle of your attention is closed on mostly negative things, you might want to rearrange it into something more positive that will help you to become happier and therefore more valuable to the world.
Reason #10 Family Connections
Lack of family connections might be the reason you’re still struggling to be happy. After all your family and especially, the quality of your relationships with your parents and siblings is vital for formation of a strong personality. Your family is some kind of shield that was meant to help you to move throughout your entire life safe and confident.
So, if you’re still having bad relationships with your family, then it’s definitely time to work out some stuff and get closer to the people that had been there for you from the very first moment of your life.
It can be challenging and tricky, but let nothing to derail you, after all
there is nothing more important that your family.
As you might have already noticed, these ten reasons are entwined and as it usually is, one reason drags the consequences of another. So, it’s very important to have a healthy balance of your inner and outer worlds in order to be happy. Now you have 10 reasons to investigate and find the cause of your yet not found happiness.
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